The Breakup
by PrincessDesire
Summary: Stan has dumped Kyle and Cartman is pleased as punch over Kyle's misery. He wants to help make Kyle even worse. Eventually there will be romance though I'll be damned if I know which pairing. Slash of course; straight fiction gives me the heebies.
1. Chapter 1

"It's not that you matter any less to me or anything," said Stan as he stroked my back. As embarrassing as it was, I was crying. I know that I'm a guy and we're not supposed to cry, but Stan had been my boyfriend for frickin' years. What was I supposed to do? I didn't know who else to be other than Stan Marsh's boyfriend. "Kyle, you'll always be my best friend."

Oh yeah right. Who bought the whole "let's just be friend spiel?" I pushed his comforting hand away. "Just leave me alone Stan."

Several minutes passed, the only sound in my room was the intermittent revving of my computer's fan. I sniffed and wiped my nose with my sleeve. I was willing the tears to crawl back into my eyes and for my face to cool down so that he couldn't see how much hurt he was causing me. Finally he understood that I really did want him to leave and he stood up. I felt the bed dip slightly as he rose reminding me of other times spent with him here in much happier situations. Just thinking about that made me want to cry more.

I didn't look at him as he spoke from somewhere above me. "I'm so sorry Kyle. I hope that we can still be friends… someday." When I didn't say anything, Stan left my room, carefully shutting the door behind him.

I waited until I heard the front door close before I finally just bawled. I covered my head with my pillow and wept until it felt like my poor heart would stop beating.

&&&

Stan had been considerate enough to dump me on Friday, so I had the whole weekend to lounge in my misery before having to face him at school again. My mother begged and cajoled, anything to get me to tell her what was wrong, but I couldn't have done that without telling her what had been making me so happy the past four years. Somehow coming out to my mother was even worse than being banished from my mate's life. I really did see Stan that way, my mate. I know that most people don't end up marrying their first loves, but I wanted to be one of the statistical few.

Monday morning I pull my cap down over my frizzy hair, take a deep breath, and begin the walk to the bus stop. It is fucking cold as usual and I kick at the snow that is on the ground as I walk. This will be the worst part – the first day at school after the breakup. Not only is there seeing Stan at the bus stop and knowing that I can't hold him or kiss him, but there's also having everyone at school finding out about us. There'll be sympathetic words and some whispered taunts. They'll want to know why Stan dumped me. Well, if they find out, they can pass it on to me. As far as I'm concerned, all my classmates can go fuck themselves. I am so just going through the motions at this point.

I arrive at the bus stop in time despite my increasingly slowed footsteps. There he is, my now ex-boyfriend. He looks beautiful. Our eyes meet and he smiles at me. "Morning Kyle."

"Yeah," I reply. I stand far from him though, using Cartman's big body as a barrier.

"Hi guys," says Kenny. He arrives just behind me.

Cartman watches the interaction, or lack thereof, between Stan and I. So far he has yet to say a word and I am so dreading when he finally decides to.

"Did you guys see that show on last night? Man, I could watch skateboarders fall down all fucking day," says Kenny.

"You'd think you'd get tired of all that violence," suggests Stan. He has a point too. Even with all the horrible, atrocious deaths that Kenny has suffered, he doesn't seem put off by seeing it happen to others. Wait, maybe I understand after all.

"Yeah, it's cool when people get hurt," says Cartman. He pronounces 'cool' like 'kewl.' Man, I hate his little habits.

The bus comes then and we bustle into it. Our bus driver is okay; he's certainly a lot less of a bitch than Mrs. Crabtree was. I watch as Cartman and Kenny take their joint seat and start to panic when Stan sits down. Oh man, I so don't want to sit next to him. If I get a whiff of his shampoo, I swear that I will fucking lose it right here on this bus. Stan looks up at me expectantly. How can he just expect me to act as if Friday didn't happen?

"Um, I'm gonna…" I start to explain, but can't, so I shut up. Instead of defending my actions, I go ahead and just turn around and take the empty seat behind the bus driver. No one ever wants the seats in the front row. I feel really retarded as the bus gets under way.

The bus is noisy, but a lot quieter than it is on the way home. Kids are still waking up in the morning, by afternoon they're like caged animals.

I handled that really badly. I'm beating myself up a bit just knowing that my friends are back there and they saw how stupid I acted. Perhaps Stan is telling them right now about the break up. Well, whatever. I dig through my bag and pull out Pride and Prejudice, the advanced placement English class's book of the month.

"Kyle?" Kenny creeps onto the seat next to me. "Are you okay?"

No, I am totally not okay. "I just… I couldn't sit there with him."

I stare at my book though I don't comprehend any of the words that my eyes are focused on. I can feel Kenny looking at me. "Did you two have a fight?"

I swallow a lump of tears in my throat. God, that happens quickly. I meet Kenny's eyes, the only visible things behind his parka. He's always been such a good friend and listener, even with all the troubles that he goes through. I'm suddenly very grateful for Kenny McCormick. "We… we broke up."

"Dude…" exclaims Kenny. It's just like him to seize the gravity of the situation so quickly. Well, Stan and I have been dating all high school and most of junior high, so a lot of people will be surprised. "That sucks."

"Yeah," I agree.

My book is knocked to the floor of the bus as Kenny suddenly lunges at me and gives me very awkwardly positioned hug. His puffy coat makes a little sound as he squishes me really tightly. I'd probably have the wind knocked out of me if it wasn't for the fact that he was also hugging my left arm. "Dude!" I yelp.

I can hear some nearby kids laughing and I feel embarrassed. I look around to see that a good chunk of the bus is watching; I can't see as far back as Stan and Cartman are. "Um, Kenny…"

He looks up at me from my chest, arms still wrapping tightly. "Do you feel better?"

Kenny is so weird. "Um, yeah."

That gets him off of me finally, but he still leaves a hand disturbingly on my leg. "Why did you break up?"

The bus pulls up at the school then and I don't think I'd really want to pour my heart out on it anyway. "I'll tell you later," I promise.

Being at the front of the bus has its advantages since I don't even see Stan as I dash to class. Now all those classes that I was so happy to share with him are going to be little 50-minute torture sessions. Well, I will just have to deal with each day as it comes, but if I can get through this one, the others will have to be easier. I hope.

&&&

Lunchtime turns out to not be as emotionally traumatizing as I had expected, since Stan isn't even in the cafeteria. I sit next to Kenny and opposite Cartman. I see that Cartman has a smirking grin across his face. Fine then, he's heard. I knew that he was going to be a shit about it, so I will just abide his derision.

"Hey Kyle," says Kenny in a voice that is gratingly sweet. "How are you doing?"

I fiddle with the food on my tray to avoid Cartman's delighted eyes. "I'm okay, thanks."

"You wanna sneak into a movie tonight?" asks Kenny. The only way that Kenny can go to the theater is if he sneaks in, since he's so poor.

"Nah, I was kind of thinking I'd stay home tonight."

"I understand," sighs Kenny. He places a hand on my shoulder. This touchy-feely stuff from Kenny is already getting old.

I glance at Cartman who by this point is practically bursting with glee. His cheeks are rosy with delight and his grin looks nearly cartoonish. I feel my own cheeks redden with anger. He is such an asshole.

"Maybe I could come over tonight and we could talk…" persists Kenny.

Cartman snorts with laughter. I glare at him. He doesn't notice because he's so overcome with a case of the giggles. "Cartman…" I growl through gritted teeth. This only feeds the fire, though, since it just makes him last harder.

"What the fuck is your problem?" I yell.

Cartman wipes a tear out of the corner of his eye. "I'm just…so happy Kyle…so happy."

"You are such a fat fucking dick!" I rage at him. I grab up my lunch tray. "Fuck you Cartman."

As I storm off, I hear Cartman say to no one in particular, "I just feel so good when Kyle is unhappy," before bursting into laughter again.

Still, it could have gone worse I guess. I mean, Stan could have been there. That would have been worse.

&&&

The rest of the school day went okay. The classes that I shared with Stan were kind of awkward, but I made it through. As I had thought, the noise level of the bus on the way back home pretty much made it impossible to think or mope. Kenny sat beside me again, but luckily for me he didn't try and give me a bear hug. Instead, we passed the ride pleasantly enough with small talk. Despite his insistence, I turned him down for hanging out. I just wanted to crawl under my blankets after this painful day, but it was nice of him to ask.

When I get into my room, I log onto IM out of habit and then wonder if Stan will log on. I've been trying to avoid him all day, but now I'm just missing him. God it would be so nice to hear his voice. Have I already reached the point of calling him all creepy-like and then hanging up?

I hover around the keyboard knowing damn well that I'm the first one home from school anyway. I decide to kill some time with a long hot shower. The water is invigorating, but being naked just makes me feel that much more vulnerable. I cry for the millionth time in the last three days. The water washes away the snot from my nostrils. I place my hand on the tiled wall, just feeling its smoothness. I feel like a trauma victim; the world looks so different than it did on Thursday. The colors in my world are muted now and the tiles feel as cold and lonely as I am.

I do feel a bit better after getting out of the shower, but dammit, no one has IM'ed me. I pull out my textbooks and try and carry on my normal routine of homework. It's actually not that hard, kind of soothing in a way. I find European history to be really fascinating and I've been enjoying learning about it. Minus the long phone calls with Stan, things are actually feeling kind of normal. I do my homework until dinner where I sit and feign interest in the things that my mom goes on about. She knows that I'm still blue, but she isn't pushing the issue anymore. She probably just assumes that I'll tell her in time. Psh. Fat fucking chance there.

Ike coaxes me into watching the History Channel with him. They're showing a special on Russian politics. He has always been so into politics, even when he was still in Kindergarten. I find the show to be too dry, but it's nice to just spend time vegging out, even if it is educational. Plus, I don't spend very much time with Ike, since I spend pretty much all my free time with Stan. Maybe I've been neglecting other aspects of my life.

Before bed I check my computer. There were a few old messages from Kenny; his family still has dial-up so he's never online very long. I see that Cartman is set to away. He's probably still laughing at my misery. Unfortunately, the one person whose name means the most to me is a faded grey color indicating that he isn't online. Stan… I wonder what he's doing.

I brush my teeth, say my prayers, and let my emotional exhaustion carry me off into dreamland.


	2. Chapter 2

_Authors Note: Brackets are chat transcripts. I still have no idea who the pairing is going to involve. Heh._

The next three days pass nearly identically to Monday. Cartman laughs at me, Kenny hangs on me to keep me emotionally upright, and Stan acts as if the last four years of intense love didn't happen. Then something horrible happens on Thursday night.

For the first time since the breakup I have my first internet conversation with Stan; that's not the horrible part. It is so good to talk to him again virtually, since I don't have to look into his eyes or resist kissing him. Strangely, I think this feels more intimate.

[GoSPCows: So why did Craig do that?

Stansman4eva : The hell if I know. He's kinda a dick. Hey, Kenny is asking if we wanna form a room. You game?

GoSPCows: Sure. Might as well let fatass know too.

Stansman4eva: Ugh. Whatever.

Chat room initialized. , , , .]

I sip on some diet soda while everything gets loaded. Every time that I type something I see that I really need to change my email address. I should have gone with something a little less dependent, but I didn't expect our relationship to end so fast, if at all. I'm not too eager to be sharing virtual space with Cartman, but then again when have I ever been?

[ GoSPCows: Hey guys. Whats up?

LazarusBoi: not much. hi kyle!

Stansman4eva: Hey Kenny. Whatchya up to?"

LazarusBoi: was just telling my sister that she can wait five fucking minutes for the phone.

J00zsuk: Goddamn your family sucks kenny. How can you not have the internet you black asshole?

LazarusBoi: we have the internet rectum breath. it's just dialup.

J00zsuk: whatever. Poor people suck

LazarusBoi: so do fat assholes

GoSPCows: LOL.

Stansman4eva: lol. Nice one Kenny.]

Things are rolling about like they normally do when we're all in chat together. We kind of take turns ganging up on the others. I guess that's just what teenage guys do. It surprises me when I see a private message pop up from Cartman.

[J00zsuk: check out this fucking funny video. You will laugh so hard.]

He then includes a youtube link. I'm wondering why he didn't just post it to the chat room. Now I'm going to be behind in the conversation, but whatever, my curiosity urges me to cut and paste the link in my browser.

It's a home movie. At first the camera is so dark that I can't really make anything out. I hear talking though, a girl's voice. I squint a bit as if that will make the images visible. Finally, the camera's auto-zoom corrects itself and I'm staring at Wendy Testeburger. Dude, Cartman sent me a link to Wendy on youtube? It's hard to hear what she's saying; I turn up the volume.

"I can't believe I'm here with you. It's been so long. I… I missed you so much!" Wendy says tearfully. She hugs someone in front of her.

"I missed you too babe."

My stomach drops to my feet. Oh god. I know that voice. That was my Stan. The camera, pulling back a bit reveals his face. He is looking sweetly into Wendy's eyes as he holds her close. My eyes start to sting. In horror, I watch as their faces draw closer.

"No…" I whisper, looking away. "No, no, no, no." I look back. They're kissing. My Stan and Wendy are kissing and looking obliviously happy doing so.

The clip ends as abruptly as it feels that my life has. "No!" I shout, banging my fists on the keyboard in front of me. "No!"

My computer lets out an error noise, but I ignore it. I stand up from my chair and fling it away from me. In front of me youtube is making recommendations of other videos that I might want to see. I can't believe what I've just seen. I hurt so bad. I am perhaps as close as I've ever been to a berserker rage in my life. I want to run all the way to Stan's house and demand to know what he was doing with Wendy Testeburger. I want to track her down and beat her until she's known as much pain as I have the last week.

I need to get out. I grab my coat and hat and run down the stairs. I pass my mother and father on the way out. "Kyle, where are you going?" asks my mom.

I don't even answer her. I am afraid that if I let even one sound pass through my lips I will just start yelling and cursing and crying. I head off into the night, breaking into a sprint. It's shockingly cold and I'll probably slip and fall, but I need to run. I want to let my legs carry me wherever they wish to go, but I know where they want to go. I can't go to Stan's.

I run.

The cold air is burning my lungs and my feet are slipping on the snow. I'm running to Stan's house; it's a route I know well. Perhaps that's why my body went there, but I think it's deeper than that. I'm on his street now and if I just keep going, I'll be outside his house and then where will I be? What could I do at that point? He's no longer mine and I have no claim to him.

Finally I do lose my balance on an icy patch a few houses from Stan's. Even though I'd been expecting it, my adrenaline kicks in as my feet fly up and I'm suddenly thumped down on my back. All the wind is knocked out of me and pain shoots up my spine. Goddamn that hurt. I lay in the snow and cry, but not for long. It's just too cold to lay out in. I look towards Stan's house standing still in the night air. Somewhere in that house is the boy that I love, only that boy no longer loves me back.

"How could you do this to me?" I shout towards his house. I take a few achy steps towards the building as if confronting it. "You said that you would love me forever! Is this what you call forever? Is this what you call love?"

At that moment I hate Stan Marsh with every fiber of my being. I hate him for not loving me. It is only on the long walk back home that I think of the person that sent me the youtube link, but then, I'm used to hating Cartman.

&&&

I don't dare try and go to school on Friday. My mom was super pissed when I came back from my run, but she was surprisingly sympathetic when I told her that I felt sick the next morning. We both knew that it was a likely outcome from my late night jog in the snow. So, when I tell her that I'm not feeling well, she kisses my forehead and declares that I have a fever. Hell, maybe I even do. I imagine my face is just warm from all the crying through the night. If it gets me out of school though, I don't care. At this point I don't really care if I do get pneumonia and die.

Once the house is still with my parents and Ike out of the house, I force myself out of bed to the computer. I need to see what happened after I just left the chat room. First though, I look at the window with Cartman's private message.

[J00zsuk: wasnt that hella funny Kyle? I knew youd like it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Na na na na na na!]

I sigh and click the window closed. Then I scan the chat. It looks like it took them a while to notice that I was gone. Kenny was the first to notice that I wasn't talking. I can just imagine that Stan assumed it was something he'd said in chat. He's always so careful not to hurt others' feelings.

I hear a weird clicking sound. I look around my room. Was that my computer? I examine the tower, but the sound clicks again behind me. It's coming from outside. I get up to investigate.

Kenny is standing in front of my window. I'm on the second floor, so I can only assume that he has been throwing pebbles at my window. I slide the window open. "Are you throwing rocks at my window?"

"Yep!" Kenny yells up at me.

"Why?"

He shrugs. I get the impression even with the coat over his face that he's smiling. Well, I guess I should invite him up. "Um, I'll unlock the door for you."

"Good, it's fucking freezing."

It's a good thing that my parents are both at work. I might seem less than sick if I have friends visiting. I feel a bit self-conscious as I open the door shirtless. My pants are plaid pajamas with a Pooh bear stitched into the side. Well, I'm supposed to be sick; I don't have to be wearing a suit around my bedroom.

Kenny raises up his right hand. "Hi," he greets before stepping inside. He looks around a bit. "Your parents home?"

"No. You could have knocked."

"Well, I didn't know that, did I?" He starts up the step towards my room. I guess we're hanging out then. It's not going to be as easy to mope, but I still haven't gone into details with him about what happened the night that Stan dumped me. Oh, and he really doesn't know about the youtube link. I don't think that Cartman would have shared that with him, but maybe he did.

Kenny sits down at my computer. He sees that I've been looking over the chat from last night. "So, what made you leave?" He spins around in the chair and looks at me.

I lean against my door frame. I sigh deeply. "Cartman."

His eyebrows press together and downward. "What did that lardy canker sore say?"

"He sent me a link, youtube. It's still up in my browser."

He swivels back to the computer and pulls up the page that sent my whole world into a tailspin last night. I don't think I can handle listening to it again, so I take the opportunity to pee. When I get back from the bathroom, Kenny is sitting on my bed with the hood off his parka. He doesn't say anything as I sit next to him on the bed.

An arm slides around my shoulder. I'm feeling a bit emotionally numb at this moment, probably burnt out from my escapade in the snow. "You'll be okay," he cooes. His hand strokes my shoulder. "I'm here for you."

"Thanks Kenny."

"He made a big mistake you know. Stan did."

I think so too. Stan chose Wendy over me. When they were dating in grade school, she broke his heart. He even became goth for a little while over how messed up she left him. I, on the other hand, have never done anything to hurt him. I have been doting, caring, emotionally and physically available, and his best friend since kindergarten. Yes, I agree with Kenny. I think that Stan fucked up.

God, I hope that he realizes it so that we can get back together.

"You are an awesome person. You're smart and fun to be with," gushes Kenny. I smile a bit at Kenny's over-doing it. I look at him to see how serious he is while he's saying all this crap. He does appear to be serious and his face is moving closer to mine. "Some might say you're…perfect."

Oh no. I realize about half a second too late that Kenny is about to kiss me. When his cold and chapped lips press against me I freeze. I am so surprised, though in retrospect I shouldn't be. So that's why he's been so quick to console me lately.

I can smell his house on him, cigarette smoke, alcohol, and dust. His hand is on the back of my neck and is gently petting with rough skin. Kenny McCormick is kissing me. It's such a weird concept. My lips haven't moved once, but that doesn't seem to be stopping him. It has to be like kissing a corpse. I can imagine that necrophilia isn't something that Kenny feels very taboo about.

So many things are going through my head. I mean, I haven't kissed another boy before, only Stan. I've only kissed one other person before, a girl named Rebecca, but that was a little pucker of elementary school kids. Stan and I had kissed for so long that our lips were bruised around the edges.

As sick as it is, the kiss feels like cheating. My body hasn't caught up to the fact that I no longer belong to Stan.

Finally, Kenny stops trying to force me into a kiss. He gazes into my eyes. "Is it too soon or… or is it me?"

My first instinctive answer is 'both,' but I don't say that. "Way too soon," I breathe.

Kenny nods. He unsuctions himself from me, disentangling his arms. Then, he pulls his hood back up over his head. "So, wanna play some GTA while you vent about the breakup?"

He really is an amazing friend. "Sure," I say.

&&&


	3. Chapter 3

Authors Note: Brackets are chat transcripts

Monday I pull the silent treatment on Stan. I feel like I've gone through the grieving steps. Right now I'm onto the anger phase. I feel betrayed that he didn't tell me about Wendy when he dumped me. I should have figured that there was someone else; he really is a handsome guy.

For some reason I'm not giving the silent treatment to Cartman. He went out with his camera and filmed Stan for the sole purpose of hurting me more. I guess the fucked up bit is that I just expect shit like that from Cartman. I know that if he has any opportunity to make my life worse, he will take it every time. So, here I am chatting with him at lunch as if he didn't send me that link.

"No way, guys can't get breast cancer!" Cartman is so painfully uneducated. I can't believe that we have had the same formal education.

"Of course they can r-tard!"

"Nuh-uh. Guys don't have titties."

Kenny speaks up then. "Big fatties like you have titties." Kenny, Stan and I bust up as Cartman objects.

"Shut up you impoverished pillock!" he shouts. We look strangely at him. "What? I've been watching a lot of the BBC lately." When we don't say anything, he adds, "assholes."

"Look dude, of course men can get breast cancer," Stan spells out for him.

"But how would that be funny then? If men got breast cancer it would totally ruin the joke!" I shake my head. Oh man, Cartman is such a fucked up individual. Stan sighs and gives up. Trying to reason with Cartman is like talking pig Latin to a donkey.

Butters walks by and says hi. He is so different from when we were in elementary school. I imagine that his conversion to goth was probably caused by his psychopathically militant parents. Maybe dressing weird and dyeing his hair is a way of lashing back against their over-protectiveness.

"Hey Butters, do you have notes from Friday?" We share the same advanced English class; he is really good with words.

He plays a bit with his ponytail while he answers. "Well sure I do Kyle. I can go get them from my locker."

"No, it's okay. I'll copy them during class. Thanks a lot."

Butters black lips turn upwards into a beaming grin. He is always so enthusiastic about helping others.

"Butters, get the fudge away from us," orders Cartman.

"Okay!" says Butters cheerily as he hurries away from our table.

"Cartman!" I yell.

"What? Butters is a little douche." It figures that Cartman wouldn't like Butters since he represents everything that that fat fuck is missing: compassion, intelligence, honesty.

When lunch gets over, Stan touches my elbow to get my attention. Oh man, that's the first time that I've felt his touch in over a week. It makes me feel wobbly. "Kenny and I are going to play some hockey over at Stark's Pond after school. You want to come?"

We're face to face and I've been asked a direct question, so it's not as easy to keep up my silent treatment. His eyes are so bright and expectant. Maybe he feels that I'll talk to him since he touched me. Well fuck him, he can't manipulate me like that. I walk past him as if he never asked me a question. Behind me I hear Cartman laugh, since he watched the incident.

"Shut up fat ass," snaps Stan. I continue on to class.

&&&

That night, before heading to bed, Cartman sends me a second youtube link.

[J00zsuk: What the hell Kyle?

Stansman4eva: What?

J00zsuk: why is everyone I know a fag?

Stansman4eva: What?

J00zsuk: I just wanna know why south park is so fucking gay.

Stansman4eva: I don't know what you're talking about Cartman.

J00zsuk: You can have sex with every person I know, but I'm still not gonna want your body. I swear.

Stansman4eva: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!!]

A youtube URL pops up in the chat window. I hesitate before clicking, remembering what happened the last time I did this. Would it be Stan and Wendy doing more than kissing this time?

[Stansman4eva: What is it?

J00zsuk: just watch it you pillock.]

I don't understand why I always cave in when Cartman wants me to do something. Still, I cut and paste the link with dread in my heart.

The lighting is much better than the last one and I can see Kenny right away. Please let this not be a video of Stan making out with Kenny. It's Stan and Kenny at Stark's pond. They're both wearing skates and have hockey sticks in hand. Kenny's is cracked up the middle. I remember when that yeti broke it. It was at Stark's pond I realize. Oh, I'd forgotten about that death. The yeti had broken him and the stick into pieces. Kenny had been pissed when he'd come back to life. He'd duct taped the stick but it'd been pretty shitty since then.

The camera angle looks like it's coming from a bush or something since there are some twigs and stuff in front of it. Cartman goes through great lengths to bring me misery. It does bring me some amusement to think of that fat bastard trying to hide in a bush.

I hear Stan's voice, my heart speeds up a bit. "I don't know why he couldn't just come out with us. Hell, he's not even talking to me."

"Do you blame him?" asks Kenny. "You dropped him after like five years so that you could fuck Wendy Testeburger."

Stan pauses with the shot he'd been lining up for. "What? How did you know that?"

"Cartman recorded you guys making out and set up the video on youtube."

Stan's face goes through a number of odd emotions. I can identify them all. I think I've made him feel all of them before. At first he looks surprised, then confused, doubtful and here is angry. "What?"

"Kyle saw everything. He saw you guys being all loving with each other. It broke his fucking heart." He edges his stick around the puck and took a shot, but in a leisurely way. Stan wasn't being an opponent at the moment.

"Oh man," Stan says pinching the bridge of his nose. That has always been such an endearing gesture of his that I actually let out a little squeak of pain to see it. "That…asshole."

Kenny shrugs, skating in little circles around Stan. "Well, you knew it was going to hurt him."

"That's why we haven't told anyone at school yet. I wanted to give Kyle time first."

"Stan, can I ask you something?" Kenny passes the puck back to Stan. "Why? Why Wendy over Kyle?"

I am enrapt by the video and when my mom knocks on the door, I jump about ten feet in the air. I hit the pause button. "Kyle, it's time for dinner!" she yells.

"Be right there ma!" I shout back.

I stare at the screen. Do I want to hear why? It's not as if there is anything that I can change about it. No, I decide, I don't want to know. I push myself away from the computer and head to my bedroom door. I rest my head against the wood. With a deep sigh, I turn back to the computer. I can't do it; I have to know.

"We've just been together for so long you know?" Stan says vaguely. He attempts a shot that Kenny deflects. "No, that's not it. I can trust you right?"

"Uh-huh," assures Kenny.

"We… me and Wendy I mean, we… kinda fooled around a couple of weeks ago. I didn't mean for it to happen."

"That's kinda messed up."

Stan nods in agreement. "I know. I never wanted to cheat on Kyle. I mean, I love him and I don't want to hurt him. It just felt so good to be with Wendy again. I couldn't take the chance of ever doing that again. I'm not the two-timing type."

"So, as far as you and Kyle are concerned, you're done for good right?" asks Kenny.

Please, I think I will die if I hear Stan say those words. The only reason I've been even trying to be normal at school is because I've been thinking that Stan will change his mind.

"I don't know," says Stan angrily. He is angry at himself. I thrill to his words. He still loves me.

"Well, you can't fucking have 'em both," says Kenny in annoyance.

"I know that!" Stan exclaims. "I'm just confused."

"Well, you should figure it out." I don't think I've heard that tone of voice out of Kenny before. He sounds mean. I think back to that strange one-sided kiss. I wonder if it's hard for Kenny to be talking about our relationship woes with his interest in me. I still am not quite sure what his interest in me is honestly. I don't know if he was just doing that because he's such a spontaneous weirdo or if he really is harboring some feelings for me. From the way he's talking to Stan I can't help but think that maybe it is something deeper. "He might not stay single forever."

Stan freezes from their half-hearted game. He looks scared. "He's started seeing someone already?" He sounds so broken-hearted. I smile.

"No, but he has interested parties." Kenny looks Stan straight in the face. I see Stan's cheeks drain of color as he realizes what Kenny is saying. I think my own cheeks are pinking at the words. "I left him alone while you were together, but if you throw him away, I'm going for it."

The video stops. I stare at the screen. Wow. When I minimize the window I see that Cartman has messaged me.

[J00zsuk: are you watching?

J00zsuk: hello? Hey! carpetmuncher!

J00zsuk: what'd you do to kenny? he's the only fucking straight person left in this school.]

For some reason, reading what Cartman has written makes me laugh. I think it's partially shock, but it's also kind of funny. When the hell did Kenny turn gay? Why is he into me?

[Stansman4eva: I don't know what to say.]

There is no response and I figure that Cartman must have left to get dinner, which reminds me that my own is waiting for me. I don't know how I'm supposed to eat after all this fucking soap opera stuff that my life is doing.

Kenny's words repeat over in my head. "…if you throw him away, I'm going for it." I can't believe that Kenny said that about me. Kenny has been my friend as long as Stan, but I've never thought about him in any romantic way before. He's always been kind of dirty, both in appearance and in mind. It's weird considering his frequent resurrections that he's not more noteworthy in South Park. He always just kind of blends into everything.

It must be the parka. He just hides himself away beyond its orange folds. He took the hood down though, before he kissed me. I guess that was his way of opening up. Plus, it's probably hard to kiss with that thing on. I bring my fingers to my lips. Kenny wanted to kiss me, had kissed me. I feel myself blush. Talk about a delayed reaction.

"Kyle! Your dinner's getting cold!" I hurry down to dinner still fearing the wrath of my mother as much as I did as a child. I can deal with this stuff later, maybe.


End file.
